It's here! Unbelievably, the time passed pretty quickly and it's already time to head off to FR, well in the morning anyway. Now, I don't know if I'm totally ready? I have the tummy turning thing going on...I have always been quite the independent one and have yearly taken trips on my own to go visit my Dad in Arkansas or one of my girlfriends back east or down south but this is my first really LONG trip away from my husband and boys to go somewhere where there is not someone I know and love on the other end waiting for me...This is completely void of anyone I know and that is a little intimidating. I am a little nervous about sharing a room with a stranger, but I only hope for the best! I hope to meet a new lifelong friend and have tons in common and have a great experience with her..

I do have the luxury of having my husband only 45 minutes from me if there's an emergency or if I forget something of great importance... I know a lot of the people coming to FR come from all over the country and Canada and are not so lucky. I also didn't have to fly to get Utah and that's a nice convenience as well. Don't get me wrong my nervousness and fear is only a symptom of my excitement of the unknown.. I am truly excited to go on this trip and I know I am blessed that I have such a great husband who pushes me to do these great things for myself and that I was allotted the time and money to make such a trip all for myself. I want to publicly say I love my husband and my family, I do have such a fantastic support team here at home!!

I am now packing and hope I have not forgot anything...I know I have probably over packed...I tend to do that even when I just go away for just a weekend. What can I say? I like options! And even if I am wearing work-out clothes, who says they can't be cute, right? BUT all in all I think I've done good. I've checked out quite a few of the other Ridgers packing lists and taylor fitted them to myself and I really think I've done well..Now to fit it all into as few bags as possible, that might be the real challenge here.

I am so ready for the yummy gourmet food at FR. I have been accustomed to a lower calorie diet most of the year so that is not my fear.. My fear is Monday and 6-8 hrs of working out...I really am afraid I won't be able to do it...I wimp out after about an hour at the gym, and have never built up the stamina to longer workouts like I had promised myself I would back at the beginning of the year... pray for me!! HAHA!

I have not been as strict on my diet this year as I had hoped either and I have yo-yo'd so much since January...when I weighed in this morning I was only at a 10 lb loss since I started Jan 4th...That is so discouraging to me, UGH!! The one thing I've read on a few other blogs that keeps coming to me is...that if I didn't have a problem with losing weight and with food I wouldn't need FR!! So this is my mantra, this is why I'm going! TO FIX ME!!! OH GOSH, I really hope they can fix me... ; ) In the beginning phase of planning for this trip I was all about putting away money for massages but that has really changed into counseling sessions/life coach work...I need to really get to the core of my issues...and if I have extra for massages than so be it!

Well, it's getting late now and I still have a lot to do....so I'm off for the night and I will check in with you all to let you know about FR!! Wish me luck! Good night!

Let the hiking, working out hard, clean eating, healthy habits, life changing begin....

A WISE woman has said:

"With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good grief look how smart I am!"

Officially Legit!

Friday night my hubby and I made the 45 min trek down to FR and I finally paid off my trip there...This make it all so real!! TJ (my husband) made up a lil rap about it...he's so silly!!

He said:

Now you're O-fish!

Now you're Legit!

Now you're down..

..and never gonna quit!

OH MY! What a goof! But he's right! I'm official now, feels good.. I remember when I first signed up for Fitness Ridge in Dec and all I could see ahead was starting my fitness journey beginning Jan 4th and that I had a whole semester of school to get through and that at the end of it all I would have this grand reward of Fitness Ridge to go to.. Unbelievably, I have only 8 class periods left over the next week and 1/2 (that's including finals!) ...and then only 1 month till FR! Wow, it came so fast, almost too fast! I'm a little scared now... BUT I am really ready to be taken out of my comfort zone. I am ready for life changes! I WANT TO CHANGE!! But not just for a couple months, which has been my m.o. for most of my adult life.. I am ready and willing to be positive and do what needs to be done. Last week of classes, finals next week and then I'm going hard core again...I'm even giving up soda after the stress of the next two weeks...I love my Diet Pepsi, but it is time to give that shiznit up! For good! I'm happy to have this blog, this way to voice my thoughts...I may get annoying, I know I keep re-committing myself to the process, it's just been hard, a lifelong battle. I'm just so ready for the war to be over...Good night all!

...and in the famous words of Rapper TJ...

Now you're down and never gonna quit!

haha! Love it!

Someone quoted this on the FR page and I didn't want to forget it...plus it's always great to share...so I'm reposting it here!

"You don't 'lose" weight, you 'take it off'.
Sometime when you lose things, you find them again!"

It's so crazy that sometimes your subconscious will answer your questions for you...I know you are saying...Julie, what are you talking about?? Well, when I wrote my blog yesterday I said I'd really like to have an epiphany of sorts at FR about my weight issues...Today, I'm in my Algebra class and my professor does these sessions weekly to improve not only our Math skills but different techniques to deal with listening, learning styles, stress reduction etc... basically skills to help us in college with test taking and such. Anyway, today our session was about memory technique. My professor began talking about how you can use your senses to pull memories or how sometimes you will smell or taste something that reminds you of another place or time. As soon as she said this I thought of a time in my life when this has happened to me. The crazy thing is that when I raised my hand and told the class of my experiences it hit me like a ton of bricks, I almost felt bowled over....I have always referenced back to this memory of going to visit my sitter, Betty, as a teenager and as soon as she opened her door the smell of her home and of her when she hugged me rushed over me like a breeze, a comforting loving breeze and such a memory of being in her care was right there with me...now I must give a little background. Betty watched me when I was about 5-6 years old. She lived on our street in Riverside, CA and she had an in-home daycare. She was a very heavyset lady, who always wore moo-moo's and had short gray hair. Betty took my brother and I to swimming lessons in the summertime and also let us swim in her pool. She was very loving and sweet, like a grandma. The second memory I referenced to my senses also came from that time period. Betty would give us orange juice and peanut butter on crackers as snacks when we were there and to this day if I have those things together I can taste that same taste in my mouth as I did as a child. This is the only food combination that gives me a memory like that. So today when I told my two little stories to my class I had the epiphany....Maybe not "THE" epiphany I need to have but at least part of it for sure. My mom and dad were going through a horrible time and separation, which eventually led to divorce during the time that Betty was our care giver. It was a very tumultuous time between my parents and I remember feeling a lost and scared at the time. Her home must have been a place of safety for me. With her and her husband and daughters it was a happy home and we would watch Young and the Restless together everyday...which in another way is weird because that's still my favorite show to this day... I just feel like the only real GOOD memory I have that is triggered by my senses is from a difficult time in my life when I was at a really formidable age and needed extra care and love that I must have drawn from Betty and her home and her food. OK, so now that I figured this out, I wonder if this is why I now draw comfort from food...I really do? Not just when I'm sad but I also use food to celebrate and to reward myself, it really makes me happy and I wonder how much of this could be triggered from a sad childhood. It's still a little strange to me that a Math session would make me realize that the reason I have these memories is because of what was going on in my home life at the time and what I used as a comfort. Strange how our minds work!

I have been the total slacker lately... Actually and more accurately since Easter...That's like 2.5 weeks of little to no exercise and bad-habit eating... All that yummy Easter food and desserts and then never ending leftovers...thank heavens that's all over with! I'm willing to boycott "food" holidays, anyone with me! ...Hmmmmm? I NEED AN INTERVENTION... HENCE~Fitness Ridge. I am not going to get down on myself too much though cause I caught myself early, only a few lbs up and I did go back to Zumba last night and have been eating a lot better the past two days. I took a friend with me to Zumba to help motivate me, I think it really did. We both are ready to get tone and healthy lookin for Summer (for life!)... It's really nice to have someone to workout with.

I am most frustrated with the fact that I yo-yo so often... I really do know quite a bit about health, fitness, nutrition etc... I am continually educating myself about it... Let's face it though, just cause I know what I should do and what is right for my body, sometimes I'm a better preacher, teacher than student!! What I hope for from FR more than anything is an epiphany as to why I road block myself and my progress. I would love to get to the root of my weight issues. I have faith that FR is my answer to that..

Anyway, I do really well with my goals when I have something to work towards... For a while going to Fitness Ridge was a real motivation to get healthier but I think I am impatient and got easily side tracked, now I have a friend coming to visit in May and I haven't seen her in years... For sure time to get back on the wagon... I am excited again to go back to the gym and re-commit myself... Here goes nothin!! :D Check back in a few days or weeks and let ya know how its going!!

90 day check-in!

It's time again to post updated pictures. I, myself, can not believe the changes I've made in the past 90 days. I weighed in today at 174, which is not a huge amount of total weight loss but the inches I've lost is pretty remarkable, at least to me. I have lost weight in my past but I have never documented from beginning to end and I don't think I have ever truly appreciated the work put into weight loss and what I'd really be losing if I return to my old ways. I like to see my posture improve, my chest lifted, my tummy tucked in...These are positive changes! I am taking note because I want to cherish the work and keep it up! I think a great cure to being "emotionally over weight" is journaling the physical changes...It really is changing the way I see myself, think of myself and body and how I feel about the entire process! I am now happy to share the "icky" pictures of Jan 4th because each and every time I post new photos I will be showing myself that I can do it and really truly changing, not only my physical health, but my emotional LIFE! I am ready to live again!! Whoo Hoo!! :D

My new body stats!

Chest 40"

Waist 34"

Hips 39.5"

Thighs 23"

Biceps 12.5"

I compared these to my original stats and I've lost (more accurately, SWEATED OFF!) 12.5 total inches! My waist alone has gone from 38.5" to 34"... I couldn't be happier... well, I hope to actually be happier next time I check-in and measure!! ; )

Got Motivation?

Hard work, little results...plateau??

This week for me has felt very productive and I have been very proud of myself this week. I worked out on Tuesday with my trainer and burned about 100 extra calories (it was only weight lifting for 30 min). Then Wednesday I did 20 minutes on the treadmill with intervals of incline and 40 minutes on the eliptical I burned 638 calories. Yesterday I did 30 minutes on the eliptical and 30 minutes on the bike and burned 675...Today was the doozy...and I think I might take the weekend off...my legs are super sore! Today I did a one hour Zumba class, 11 minutes on the row machine and 30 minutes of weight lifting with my trainer....and burned a total of 876 calories...great workout day...AUGHHHH, I'm sooo tired though! I also did pretty good on my eating and calories this week...I stayed around (but mostly under) 1200 cals all week...even when I had a treat I made sure it was part of the calories I was alloting myself! So.. good week overall...AND BOY am I ready for a nap! The only downside to my good week was that my weigh-in showed I only lost 4 ozs. in the past 10 days...a lil discouraging but I'm not giving up...its like the storm before the rainbow...its necessary to hit plateaus to get big rewards...right? I hope I'm right! LOL :D Well, have a great week all, keep it healthy! Love you all and all your support! Thanks for all the wonderful comments and encouragement! 1.5 more weeks till next picture update and measurement stats! Something to look forward too... :)

MMMMMMMMM!

I wanted to share some yummy protein smoothies with y'all! I promise these are sooo good! I drink these a few times a week..either right before or right after going to the gym..

Chocolate Raspberry Protein Smoothie:
8-16 oz. water (I do about 16oz.)
crushed ice (desired amt)
1 scoop of chocolate whey protein powder (I use GNC brand)
1 Crystal Light Raspberry Ice (On The Go) packet
140 calories

Orange/Banana Protein Smoothie:
8-16 oz. water
crushed ice
1 scoop of vanilla whey protein powder (I use GNC brand)
1 Crystal Light Orange Sunrise (On The Go) packet
1 small/med banana
235 calories

Blend up in blender...serve. Yummy, refreshing smoothie!
Love these! Try them, let me know what you think!! :D

Reflection of a future me!

I can't even believe that it's only 2 months, 2 weeks, and 2 days till I go to Bl@FR...It seems so close yet still a while away! I spent the morning piling up all my gym clothes, Wright socks, sports bras and a few of the things I've bought on my bed to see what I have...I don't have any trips planned between now and when I go to Fitness Ridge so I think I may start packing...? I know it's really early but I am soo excited and plus that way I can keep adding to my suitcase as I get stuff to go...I also checked out Cat Chez's packing list today and copied it all down on an index card. This is one of the best lists I've come across thus far and it will help me with my packing! (GOOD JOB CAT!) This weekend has been nice because it is my son's 13th birthday and we took him and friends to do laser tag on Friday, surprisingly a blast (even for an old mommma, like me!) My food choices have once again been pretty bad, it's my typical weekend! No will power on the weekends I guess! I hope I do ok this week because it is my spring break from school and when I'm home a lot is when I seem to get in to trouble in the kitchen, UGH! I need to be hypnotized or something?? Does anyone no if that really works! I will try really hard this week by getting my tush up early with the kids each day and getting myself off to the gym! Since my husband will be out of town this week (filming the Dr. Phil show and doing a lecture at a law enforcement agency in Arkansas) and the kids will be at school all day and no homework or classes for myself...I think I'm going to try some looooong days at the gym and see how I do! I mean I better start preparing myself for the Ridge! Well, that's all for now I hope I have better news next week in the form of diet or a weigh-in! I really need to be remotivated! I guess that's why I'm going to FR! If I didn't have a problem with my motivation and my health I'd have no need for this intervention, of sorts! Well thanks to anyone who actually reads all my rambling ons...I no it can be quite boring! Have a good week all, hope the time change hasn't hindered y'all too much! :D

OH YAH! I'm seriously happy!! :D I just did my first workout with my new Polar FT7 HRM watch and wowsers! I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, 20 minutes on the eliptical and 20 minutes on the bike... The machines calculated my calorie burn at about 500 calories total for the entire one hour workout! Sounds good right? My actual calorie burn by my own heart rate was 707 calories for the hour long workout! WHOO HOO!! I'm definitely glad I invested the $$ for this awesome little device! I will never go to the gym without it! I can only imagine how great it will be at Fitness Ridge! YES, I'M STOKED! I think I may have to try it out at Yoga/Pilates tonight and see what I burn in that hour long class! Have a great day!

A little bit closer to Fitness Ridge...

I am so excited because today my husband and I drove down to the Fitness Ridge Resort. I made a payment on my trip...YAY! That makes this trip seem a little bit more touchable!! It was neat getting to go the resort again, even if only for a few minutes... We did a little walk through the shop there and we bought my Polar FT7 HRM watch and chest strap...TJ even got one for himself (the MAN size of the FT7)...He is training for his first 1/2 marathon that he hopes to do in August in Long Beach, CA. At first I had planned to do it with him but I'm truly scared to run one...I'm not a big runner. I have bad hips and knees...so, it may just be him running and me with a cup of water on the side lines...BUT we'll see. I do hope to run one someday but someday may not be August?? So back to my watch...it's cute! Black with a gold stripe down the center and quite a bit cheaper than I had thought it was 109.95 with chest strap...I was thinking it was going to be like 250.00...so I was pleasantly surprised. Also, while there buying my watch and paying my bill I checked out the Merrill hiking shoes. I found a super cute pair, tiny and petite (hate those ugly big hiking boots) and they were tan with pink detailing...loved them but not the price...90 dollars! UGH!! NO WAY! I will keep my eye open for a better deal that is too much for shoes I may not wear that often.. I was also able to pick up Executive Chef Cameron Payne's 1st and 2nd edition resort cookbooks...they look awesome and I can't wait to plan some meals for family...So I had a very productive day with my husband and made myself a little bit more ready to go to the resort...SO HAPPY!! :D

BONG BONG 4:30 AM...and all's not well!

So it's 4:30 in the morning and I am so mad that I am not in bed asleep but at least if I am up I guess there's no better time than to blog my feelings and thought. I have been up since 12:30 and at first I thought my husband was keeping me awake, you see he has RLS (restless leg syndrome) and was having a hard time sleeping himself thus keeping me awake (so I thought!)...Yet an hour later he was asleep and still and I still lay there...and an hour after that at 2:30 am, still just laying there...and again at 3:30....AUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH! Well, the truth is and it took me 3 hours to realize it...I'm angry! I went to bed angry, woke up angry and now can not sleep cause I'm angry!! Someone (a friend) completely hurt my feelings today and is using our kids to manipulate our relationship and I don't like it!! AND I AM SEETHING! So needless to say it's now 4:31am...and I'm still awake! OK now for the BIG realization!! I ate pretty good all week! Pretty proud of myself! Then last evening I told my hubby I needed Roberto's (lil taco shop near our house)...not wanted Roberto's but NEEDED! HAHA! Well, TJ, my husband, knows when I say need he just doesn't argue! So we jumped in the truck and ran through the drive thru...I got my old favs...a 5 taquito platter...mmmmmmmmm...at least until now! My stomach has a brick in it I haven't felt in a long time! And I didn't really miss that nasty brick (another reason why I may be awake? HMMMM?) But what came to me while seething over the distaste of my friend's actions was that I felt like I needed that comfort food when I was upset about something! All week happy and smooth week....yesterday, irritating news and betrayal and TA DA need for TAQUITOS! Well, I am happy that I figured it out maybe next time I'll need a good workout instead ~like with a punching bag? Ding Ding! ;) I'm gonna go climb back into my warm cozy bed now and see if I can't sleep for a couple hours...my boys have a wrestling tourny later this morning and it won't be good if I'm sleeping through it! Have a good weekend all!

This past weekend my hubby and I took our son to Sports Authority to get some supplies for a cross country ski trip and while there I got some new fitness/running shoes. They are Nike and I got to use them last night and again this morning at the gym...they are wonderful...so light and comfy! I also bought a couple of tanks and a pair of hiking capri's. The decision I've been struggling with is whether or not to get hiking shoes for the FR trip...Hikes everyday may really call for good hiking shoes....IDK? As I try to get my packing list together for May I ponder all that I need...its like I have a giant checklist and shopping list in my head and I'm continually thinking about what I still need. I'm so worried I'll forget something. BUT, like my hubby said at least he's only 45 minutes away if I forget something really important...I also ordered 12 pairs of Wright no slip no blister socks yesterday, hope they work as well as everyone says? I'm just soooo excited for this trip... the time isn't passing quick enough! Well, off to do homework, this semester is 1/2 over and when it's done means it's almost time for Fitness Ridge!! YAY! :D

Happy Monday!! The start of a new week. I'm actually glad for this. My weekend wasn't awful but I wasn't totally perfect in my eating either. I really wanted to post this morning to put up these "before" and "now" pictures. I posted the one pic from Jan 4th earlier but now I'm willing to post all of them plus the new ones I took Friday, February 26th. I think it really shows my progress thus far. AND I'm excited for that! I also compared my newest inches to those on Jan 4th...and overall I've lost 7 3/4".... YAY!!

As of Friday, Feb. 26th my new measurements are:
Waist 35.5"
Chest 41"
Hips 40.5"
thigh 24
weight 176.8

Gettin there (or somewhere) slowly but surely! :)

Hello friends~
Here is the stats I promised~~~

January 4th body STATS! :6

187.6 lbs.
Chest: 43.25
Waist: 38.50
Hips: 42.75
Thigh: 24.00

February 2nd body STATS! :P (a little better)

179.8 lbs.
Chest: 41.50
Waist: 36.00
Hips: 41.00
Thigh: 24.50 (go figure on that one, maybe muscle, ;)

Hope you're all enjoying this stress I'm putting on myself...HAHA! Actually this is sorta cleansing! And being able to see the results of hard work is nice! Have a great weekend! :D

Bad last week... Better new week.

The last three days I've done pretty good on my food goals... I had to regain back some of my lost self-esteem... I was SOOO bad last week!!

Let me paint the picture for you... Me: Slumped wayyy down in my chair at the gym as my trainer rounds the corner... WHY? Because I know she is coming to eye my food journal from the past week with a fine tooth comb...and I don't want her to see the 12 Lindt chocolate balls I ate this week or the two...YES, TWO grilled cheese sandwiches I had on Sunday after church... AND like that's not bad enough I ate more chips and dips than anyone should who's not even attending a party... It's agony to have to keep track of everything you eat!! In my past I would've mindlessly popped those chocolate balls in my mouth one by one and not cared or counted but this week was different!! I mean I still ate them... with great remorse :-/ But I also counted them on the journal and watched the calorie count go up and up and up!! AUGHHHHH! In my defense it was my "female week" and I needed those little friends to keep me going... but it never really works the way I think it will~ does it??

Well, on a good note Monday started a new week for me and I'm doing great!! Staying around 1200 calories when I can't work-out and a lil higher when I do! I feel great today and I hope my will power holds out through the weekend.... I don't typically do well on weekends but I'd sure <3>

Alright I've been dreading posting my before pics but I think today is the day!! Now, keep in mind when you look at these "FATTY" pics of me, I think I was bloated that day....HAHA!! Also It was about 10 lbs ago! YAY!! Ok, My hubby, TJ, took these of me (as I also did for him, he's now down about 17 lbs) and well they are not flattering AT ALL!! I also had just stepped out of the shower so I look like a drowned rat and I had no makeup on...ICKY!!

Next post: I will post my before stats (inches and weight!!) thru my current stats! Till then~ Happy Health to ALL! :D

The beginning of a long, long journey...

Well here it is! I've been debating doing this for months... I've read many blogs pertaining to starting anew with health, weight loss, nutrition, exercise etc... The idea of doing a blog started at the end of 2009 when I finally decided this, 2010, was my year! I am finally gonna do all the things for myself and my health that I have been resigning to do since my last child was born 7.5 years ago... Time to stop procrastinating and start actually doing something! First; I signed up to do two weeks at the Biggest Loser @ Fitness Ridge starting May 30. Second; as of Jan 4th I started back to my gym, sessions with my trainer Ann, and conscious eating (well about 80/20). Third; is starting this blog to help keep myself on track by journaling my thoughts, goals, milestones, frustrations and even down falls, and I'm sure there will be plenty of down falls. That's all I'm gonna write for today since this is new to me but soon I'm gonna post my before pics that my husband took of me back on Jan 4th (UGH!) and I will update the pics every 60 days or so and I will (reluctantly post all my body stats ~DOUBLE UGH!!) But I'm going to do all these horrific things to myself because not only will it be a new start but I think it's important to let go of the security blanket of the weight... well that's it for now... :)