Julie's Journey to a Healthier Life

It's so crazy that sometimes your subconscious will answer your questions for you...I know you are saying...Julie, what are you talking about?? Well, when I wrote my blog yesterday I said I'd really like to have an epiphany of sorts at FR about my weight issues...Today, I'm in my Algebra class and my professor does these sessions weekly to improve not only our Math skills but different techniques to deal with listening, learning styles, stress reduction etc... basically skills to help us in college with test taking and such. Anyway, today our session was about memory technique. My professor began talking about how you can use your senses to pull memories or how sometimes you will smell or taste something that reminds you of another place or time. As soon as she said this I thought of a time in my life when this has happened to me. The crazy thing is that when I raised my hand and told the class of my experiences it hit me like a ton of bricks, I almost felt bowled over....I have always referenced back to this memory of going to visit my sitter, Betty, as a teenager and as soon as she opened her door the smell of her home and of her when she hugged me rushed over me like a breeze, a comforting loving breeze and such a memory of being in her care was right there with me...now I must give a little background. Betty watched me when I was about 5-6 years old. She lived on our street in Riverside, CA and she had an in-home daycare. She was a very heavyset lady, who always wore moo-moo's and had short gray hair. Betty took my brother and I to swimming lessons in the summertime and also let us swim in her pool. She was very loving and sweet, like a grandma. The second memory I referenced to my senses also came from that time period. Betty would give us orange juice and peanut butter on crackers as snacks when we were there and to this day if I have those things together I can taste that same taste in my mouth as I did as a child. This is the only food combination that gives me a memory like that. So today when I told my two little stories to my class I had the epiphany....Maybe not "THE" epiphany I need to have but at least part of it for sure. My mom and dad were going through a horrible time and separation, which eventually led to divorce during the time that Betty was our care giver. It was a very tumultuous time between my parents and I remember feeling a lost and scared at the time. Her home must have been a place of safety for me. With her and her husband and daughters it was a happy home and we would watch Young and the Restless together everyday...which in another way is weird because that's still my favorite show to this day... I just feel like the only real GOOD memory I have that is triggered by my senses is from a difficult time in my life when I was at a really formidable age and needed extra care and love that I must have drawn from Betty and her home and her food. OK, so now that I figured this out, I wonder if this is why I now draw comfort from food...I really do? Not just when I'm sad but I also use food to celebrate and to reward myself, it really makes me happy and I wonder how much of this could be triggered from a sad childhood. It's still a little strange to me that a Math session would make me realize that the reason I have these memories is because of what was going on in my home life at the time and what I used as a comfort. Strange how our minds work!