It's here! Unbelievably, the time passed pretty quickly and it's already time to head off to FR, well in the morning anyway. Now, I don't know if I'm totally ready? I have the tummy turning thing going on...I have always been quite the independent one and have yearly taken trips on my own to go visit my Dad in Arkansas or one of my girlfriends back east or down south but this is my first really LONG trip away from my husband and boys to go somewhere where there is not someone I know and love on the other end waiting for me...This is completely void of anyone I know and that is a little intimidating. I am a little nervous about sharing a room with a stranger, but I only hope for the best! I hope to meet a new lifelong friend and have tons in common and have a great experience with her..

I do have the luxury of having my husband only 45 minutes from me if there's an emergency or if I forget something of great importance... I know a lot of the people coming to FR come from all over the country and Canada and are not so lucky. I also didn't have to fly to get Utah and that's a nice convenience as well. Don't get me wrong my nervousness and fear is only a symptom of my excitement of the unknown.. I am truly excited to go on this trip and I know I am blessed that I have such a great husband who pushes me to do these great things for myself and that I was allotted the time and money to make such a trip all for myself. I want to publicly say I love my husband and my family, I do have such a fantastic support team here at home!!

I am now packing and hope I have not forgot anything...I know I have probably over packed...I tend to do that even when I just go away for just a weekend. What can I say? I like options! And even if I am wearing work-out clothes, who says they can't be cute, right? BUT all in all I think I've done good. I've checked out quite a few of the other Ridgers packing lists and taylor fitted them to myself and I really think I've done well..Now to fit it all into as few bags as possible, that might be the real challenge here.

I am so ready for the yummy gourmet food at FR. I have been accustomed to a lower calorie diet most of the year so that is not my fear.. My fear is Monday and 6-8 hrs of working out...I really am afraid I won't be able to do it...I wimp out after about an hour at the gym, and have never built up the stamina to longer workouts like I had promised myself I would back at the beginning of the year... pray for me!! HAHA!

I have not been as strict on my diet this year as I had hoped either and I have yo-yo'd so much since January...when I weighed in this morning I was only at a 10 lb loss since I started Jan 4th...That is so discouraging to me, UGH!! The one thing I've read on a few other blogs that keeps coming to me is...that if I didn't have a problem with losing weight and with food I wouldn't need FR!! So this is my mantra, this is why I'm going! TO FIX ME!!! OH GOSH, I really hope they can fix me... ; ) In the beginning phase of planning for this trip I was all about putting away money for massages but that has really changed into counseling sessions/life coach work...I need to really get to the core of my issues...and if I have extra for massages than so be it!

Well, it's getting late now and I still have a lot to do....so I'm off for the night and I will check in with you all to let you know about FR!! Wish me luck! Good night!

Let the hiking, working out hard, clean eating, healthy habits, life changing begin....

A WISE woman has said:

"With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good grief look how smart I am!"

Officially Legit!

Friday night my hubby and I made the 45 min trek down to FR and I finally paid off my trip there...This make it all so real!! TJ (my husband) made up a lil rap about it...he's so silly!!

He said:

Now you're O-fish!

Now you're Legit!

Now you're down..

..and never gonna quit!

OH MY! What a goof! But he's right! I'm official now, feels good.. I remember when I first signed up for Fitness Ridge in Dec and all I could see ahead was starting my fitness journey beginning Jan 4th and that I had a whole semester of school to get through and that at the end of it all I would have this grand reward of Fitness Ridge to go to.. Unbelievably, I have only 8 class periods left over the next week and 1/2 (that's including finals!) ...and then only 1 month till FR! Wow, it came so fast, almost too fast! I'm a little scared now... BUT I am really ready to be taken out of my comfort zone. I am ready for life changes! I WANT TO CHANGE!! But not just for a couple months, which has been my m.o. for most of my adult life.. I am ready and willing to be positive and do what needs to be done. Last week of classes, finals next week and then I'm going hard core again...I'm even giving up soda after the stress of the next two weeks...I love my Diet Pepsi, but it is time to give that shiznit up! For good! I'm happy to have this blog, this way to voice my thoughts...I may get annoying, I know I keep re-committing myself to the process, it's just been hard, a lifelong battle. I'm just so ready for the war to be over...Good night all!

...and in the famous words of Rapper TJ...

Now you're down and never gonna quit!

haha! Love it!

Someone quoted this on the FR page and I didn't want to forget it...plus it's always great to share...so I'm reposting it here!

"You don't 'lose" weight, you 'take it off'.
Sometime when you lose things, you find them again!"

It's so crazy that sometimes your subconscious will answer your questions for you...I know you are saying...Julie, what are you talking about?? Well, when I wrote my blog yesterday I said I'd really like to have an epiphany of sorts at FR about my weight issues...Today, I'm in my Algebra class and my professor does these sessions weekly to improve not only our Math skills but different techniques to deal with listening, learning styles, stress reduction etc... basically skills to help us in college with test taking and such. Anyway, today our session was about memory technique. My professor began talking about how you can use your senses to pull memories or how sometimes you will smell or taste something that reminds you of another place or time. As soon as she said this I thought of a time in my life when this has happened to me. The crazy thing is that when I raised my hand and told the class of my experiences it hit me like a ton of bricks, I almost felt bowled over....I have always referenced back to this memory of going to visit my sitter, Betty, as a teenager and as soon as she opened her door the smell of her home and of her when she hugged me rushed over me like a breeze, a comforting loving breeze and such a memory of being in her care was right there with me...now I must give a little background. Betty watched me when I was about 5-6 years old. She lived on our street in Riverside, CA and she had an in-home daycare. She was a very heavyset lady, who always wore moo-moo's and had short gray hair. Betty took my brother and I to swimming lessons in the summertime and also let us swim in her pool. She was very loving and sweet, like a grandma. The second memory I referenced to my senses also came from that time period. Betty would give us orange juice and peanut butter on crackers as snacks when we were there and to this day if I have those things together I can taste that same taste in my mouth as I did as a child. This is the only food combination that gives me a memory like that. So today when I told my two little stories to my class I had the epiphany....Maybe not "THE" epiphany I need to have but at least part of it for sure. My mom and dad were going through a horrible time and separation, which eventually led to divorce during the time that Betty was our care giver. It was a very tumultuous time between my parents and I remember feeling a lost and scared at the time. Her home must have been a place of safety for me. With her and her husband and daughters it was a happy home and we would watch Young and the Restless together everyday...which in another way is weird because that's still my favorite show to this day... I just feel like the only real GOOD memory I have that is triggered by my senses is from a difficult time in my life when I was at a really formidable age and needed extra care and love that I must have drawn from Betty and her home and her food. OK, so now that I figured this out, I wonder if this is why I now draw comfort from food...I really do? Not just when I'm sad but I also use food to celebrate and to reward myself, it really makes me happy and I wonder how much of this could be triggered from a sad childhood. It's still a little strange to me that a Math session would make me realize that the reason I have these memories is because of what was going on in my home life at the time and what I used as a comfort. Strange how our minds work!

I have been the total slacker lately... Actually and more accurately since Easter...That's like 2.5 weeks of little to no exercise and bad-habit eating... All that yummy Easter food and desserts and then never ending leftovers...thank heavens that's all over with! I'm willing to boycott "food" holidays, anyone with me! ...Hmmmmm? I NEED AN INTERVENTION... HENCE~Fitness Ridge. I am not going to get down on myself too much though cause I caught myself early, only a few lbs up and I did go back to Zumba last night and have been eating a lot better the past two days. I took a friend with me to Zumba to help motivate me, I think it really did. We both are ready to get tone and healthy lookin for Summer (for life!)... It's really nice to have someone to workout with.

I am most frustrated with the fact that I yo-yo so often... I really do know quite a bit about health, fitness, nutrition etc... I am continually educating myself about it... Let's face it though, just cause I know what I should do and what is right for my body, sometimes I'm a better preacher, teacher than student!! What I hope for from FR more than anything is an epiphany as to why I road block myself and my progress. I would love to get to the root of my weight issues. I have faith that FR is my answer to that..

Anyway, I do really well with my goals when I have something to work towards... For a while going to Fitness Ridge was a real motivation to get healthier but I think I am impatient and got easily side tracked, now I have a friend coming to visit in May and I haven't seen her in years... For sure time to get back on the wagon... I am excited again to go back to the gym and re-commit myself... Here goes nothin!! :D Check back in a few days or weeks and let ya know how its going!!

90 day check-in!

It's time again to post updated pictures. I, myself, can not believe the changes I've made in the past 90 days. I weighed in today at 174, which is not a huge amount of total weight loss but the inches I've lost is pretty remarkable, at least to me. I have lost weight in my past but I have never documented from beginning to end and I don't think I have ever truly appreciated the work put into weight loss and what I'd really be losing if I return to my old ways. I like to see my posture improve, my chest lifted, my tummy tucked in...These are positive changes! I am taking note because I want to cherish the work and keep it up! I think a great cure to being "emotionally over weight" is journaling the physical changes...It really is changing the way I see myself, think of myself and body and how I feel about the entire process! I am now happy to share the "icky" pictures of Jan 4th because each and every time I post new photos I will be showing myself that I can do it and really truly changing, not only my physical health, but my emotional LIFE! I am ready to live again!! Whoo Hoo!! :D

My new body stats!

Chest 40"

Waist 34"

Hips 39.5"

Thighs 23"

Biceps 12.5"

I compared these to my original stats and I've lost (more accurately, SWEATED OFF!) 12.5 total inches! My waist alone has gone from 38.5" to 34"... I couldn't be happier... well, I hope to actually be happier next time I check-in and measure!! ; )